Happily ever after!!!

Today, after a long time, I feel like writing something- a feeling that everything around me is shrinking, I have nowhere to go, there is nothing left for me in this world, I am too old to even seek silly childish happiness- I have to write about them. Everything has become so colorless to me. Why? Every story I read, every cinema I see, and every happy couple I see, makes me sad! Why? I don’t feel happy when young couples take vows at the altar or make promises in their own individual way to live happily ever after. Why, why has it come to this? Am I becoming an unsocial, sadistic person? Is this becoming of a new monster? Is it another story of Dr. Jakyl turning into sinister Mr. Hyde?

I am afraid of myself….I am afraid of the darkness that is eating up my soul…senseless, tasteless-like an inanimate object I have become. I am indifferent to everything. I am not at all surprised when something unusual happens. I don’t feel disgusted when something unjust happens to me. People cheat me, take my precious things away I can’t say anything…..as if it will always happen. I don’t feel like fighting anymore. As if I have given up all hope. Why? I don’t really get it….I fear the hollowing in my heart… An eternal void of darkness has engulfed my very soul.

I feel pain when a boy finds a girl that he likes. But I love the struggle they go through before they tie the knot. The moment the struggle is finished I feel that darkness, a creature that is growing and evolving into a monster, is blinding my senses and making me mad, jealous, envious…..

I love love-stories. But they don’t necessarily make me happy. I wonder…why the couples are so happy when take vows. Is it because they think they are going to be with each other and live happily ever after? I mean this customary “happy every after” thing don’t really make any sense to me.

Why the stories in manga, books, novels and cinemas only show a part of story where the couples get together and get married. Why doesn’t it show the struggle that they will have to endure after marriage? During the adolescent years boys and girls tend to just follow their blind desire and try to chase their dreams. They tend to fall in love and make mistakes. Then the story tellers always tell story where the parents are not all involved? Why they show the illusion that everything is ok as long as love is there? Why do they make the young people think that whatever their parents are thinking is not ok at all? I mean are they telling the story that the young people will buy and it will be a good business? Don’t they at all want to teach a thing or two about real life to the young people? Can they not try to point out to the fact that people are getting divorce, or committing suicide? I mean fantasy is ok but should it be so outrageous? What is happily ever after? Divorce comes quicker than the time a couple took to know each other and then propose.

This tradition of having girlfriend, sharing the same bed even before getting married, is sucking the post-marriage happiness dry. Have you ever thought why the mother can’t eat as much as the other family members (I mean only if she is the cook)? Because, by the time the food is served, she has already tasted the food…a little of everything during the seasoning…so, during the meal she just doesn’t have the appetite anymore….

Though people are talking heavily about love….doesn’t anyone think that some adventures and memories should be created after marriage? Don’t the young people think some love should be left alone so that it could be enjoyed later? I mean, life doesn’t just end after the marriage ceremony, does it? It is just a mere beginning. If the story tellers of manga, or movie or novels tell stories which ends with the marriage ceremony and a façade of “living happily ever after” and declares the stories to have ended….what do you think happen? It says a thing very clearly – most of the mangka or novelists are not married and they are fantasizing about a beautiful marriage ceremony or they are not happily married.

If it is true then shoujo and seinen and shounen mangas and the novels written for young must show some realities, sufferings of young couples and then end with a happy note.

As a manga lover, I hope my thoughts would reach to my beloved senseis……..

ありがとうございます

A Dream That Almost Came True!

It is a story of my one of many encounters with ladies.

Year 2001; the year was quite significant for me because I had left Bangladesh for Australia that year and it was my first experience outside my room. I never went anywhere in my life alone and definitely not this far!

The name of my institution was Perth Institute of Business and Technology; it was under Edith Cowan University, Perth, Western Australia. I was a diploma student there. Unlike most other boys from Bengali medium background I was very good user of English and THAT gave me an air of confidence. That confidence made me smart and act natural at whatever the problem I faced. I never hesitated to talk and communicate with the natives there. All these things created a secret longing for a native girl-friend! It was always like “I wish I had an Australian girl-friend”.

However, in a fine evening I was doing my programming language assignment. The problem seemed to be impregnable. I was so into the problem that I didn’t notice that I supposedly was the only one left in the lab. As I was about to start for home I thought I heard a faint female voice calling me. I looked back and missed a heartbeat. Oh my GOD! Was it a dream? She was one of the best and beautiful students in my class and I had a secret affection for her. But I was never brave enough to say what I felt. I went to see what her distress call was for. Apparently she could not find what the error was. I tapped a few keys this way and that way and found that a simple dot was missing. As I saved the damsel from the DOT distress, she thanked me very much.

Well, the story didn’t end there though!I thought none remembers a geek. Guess! What was coming at me!

The next day was Friday. I was feeling happy already as the weekend was coming and I could have a breather after a long stressful week. But I didn’t know I had a surprise waiting for me at the end of the day.

I was packing my stuff as the class was over. All of a sudden I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked back and my heart literally jumped and my heartbeat went nuts. MY SWEET DREAMS!

“Are you busy this week end?Let’s hang out together.”

Any teenage boy would dream to have a date with this GIRL! I was catatonic. I have been dreaming for this very day for a very long time. My dream was about to come true! It was too good to believe.But what came next was even better.

I practiced for this kind of situation in my imagination, many times. I used to day dream about this kind of incidents. I was well prepared! I was ready; I knew exactly what to say!

Being excited as child I opened my mouth to say YES and said,

“Sorry! Will be busy doing assignment.”

MY DAMSEL in DISTRESS couldn’t just BELIEVE!

A Clichéd question

What is your aim in life?

You would probably be regretting by now for even reading the first sentence of this article. I mean, come on! How many times more do you have to listen to this customary question in your life? Enough is enough, isn’t it? Well, I don’t know about you but it has never been enough for me because I wonder as Shakespeare says, “To be or not to be, that is the question.” But my version is a little different-“What to be and what not to be, that is the question.” Confused? Well! Don’t stop! Come on now! Keep reading!

Elders always ask this question more often than anything else as if they have this only divine job left for them on the face of this earth before they pass on to the next one. But before we could hate them for this we, to our utter astonishment, find ourselves standing on the same ground asking the same clichéd question, to our juniors of course. As if we had our DNA synchronized with our elders!

My question is what does this stereotypical, timeworn and hackneyed question supposed to do? Does it aim to understand the true nature of a person? Does it reveal of a person the deep dark personality which would remain dormant for a very long time and will suddenly plague the poor unsuspecting being and make him or her villain in this society? Or is it meant to guide a person or provide him or her with the food for thought? I will leave it to the reader to decide.

Normally any usual answer that contains hint of future achievement in this world would instantly quench the thirst of the intrigued questioner. But the danger lies somewhere else.

The question is not for the inquisitor as much as it is for the person being asked. But we often avoid the beauty of this question as our disgust overpowers our judgment. We think why even bother thinking, just give ‘em what they need and be done with this problem. But we forget that it is the moment of truth. It is not necessary to always answer the question promptly. Better if we take days to think and even better are to do some soul searching along with it.

I remember and regret not being the student that my parents always wanted me to be. I was obsessed with story books and would read all but study book with religious devotion when I was in the high school. I would either fail or do poorly in the exams as a result but always survived the final somehow, Alhamdulillah, ^_-.  In section A of my class there was this boy, very brilliant student and always came out as one of the toppers in the class. My mom said to me, “if you want to be my son then be like him.” There! There! Elder is pointing and shaping my destiny on her own accord, I wish she could see the ending before she could make a statement she would regret. He used to come to my house to borrow story books. As “success is sweeter to the unsuccessful persons” I almost worshipped him and innocently almost gave away my priceless collection of “three detectives”. But my fascination came to an abrupt ending when he started holding on to my book as if they were his. I would go to his house and wait for endless time to at last see him and he would send me back. One day he said that he had given the books to another boy so I should not waste any of his time! Perplexed and helpless me! I went to that guy and waited the same. After few days of continuous nagging, he came to me saying, ”These are not your books. I got them from my friend. As you can see all the books were in pretty torn up condition and I had to repair them and spend a lot of money. So, they should be my books”, and showed my books. OH! Dear!! My precious books! I used to hoard them as if they were diamonds, they were new and in pristine condition! Now look at them! Taped around like worn off rug! Speechless I asked in shaking voice, “What should I do now?” “Give me 5 taka for each of them and they are all yours.” Guess what I did? Beat him? Complained to his mom? Wrong! I rebought the books. I almost cried. Even now I can feel the hatred for this betrayal as I write this article.

The same thing happened over and over again as I kept on trusting wrong people with my feelings. I was cheated over and over again. And now I am a boy of 29 with serious trust issues.

But with this Alhamdulillah my Iman grew stronger (not that I am a saint). When I thought I could never get justice anywhere and started to believe that I am like the football to the world and the people in it would kick me around at will, Allah show that HE IS there and watching even when we are sleeping. HE never sleeps, never rests, and always keeps note of everything done to HIS creation. HE has HIS ways of punishment and people often don’t realize what hit ‘em if they are not believers.

The last time I checked on that rich brat, the so Called ideal son and student, he was smoking and loitering in the nearby market with his LOT. He came out poorly in S.S.C and couldn’t even make it to H.S.C in a good shape. He was destroyed. I felt pity for him. And the others were not in good condition either. Then I believed that if no one is there to help you always count on ALLAH for HE never leaves your side even when you do something wrong but you have to repent.

I told my mom what happened and after that she never wanted me to be someone else, she still is a firm believer that one day I will be that son of hers and will do good to the family and society and the humanity.

But my point is how can we tell what is good and what not? Is it really necessary to be a good student than being a good human being? Our beloved Prophet (SAW) was illiterate yet Allah has chosen him to be the light and the guidance to the ignorant of the contemporary Arab world and the time until the Day of Judgment. He is the only key to our final destination either in endless jeopardy or in unimaginable bounty.

Now tell me what should be our real aim- success as short lived as this earth or as endless as the bountiful life in the hereafter or to be proud, smart and cunning like the Shaitan as at first he was successful and was made the leader of the angels because of his devotion and ibadah to Allah until his pride ruined him for eternity?

Surely shaitan is our open enemy and we must not follow him.

The honorable founder of our university was a man of visions. Right now our university may not be in its best shape but he gave it a name that we can be proud of. Darul Ihsan- abode of excellence, where excellent human beings will be prepared for the greater good of the humanity. No other university of our country has an asset so precious as ours. Therefore, I call upon my fellow students to fulfill the aim  Prof. Dr. Sayed Ali Ashraf, founder of this very prestigious alma mater, has set for us and be the pioneers of the society, and the country as always. May Allah accept us all.

Epilogue

Cox’s Bazar sea beach.

Arif was sitting all alone. His tears were flowing like torrent of a disobedient river. He couldn’t hold them back. The setting sun of the crimson horizon was conveying solidarity with his doleful life. The consummation of the sky and the deep blue sea gave birth to a new twilight. But Arif sat there; knees folded and hands crossed; this melancholy beauty of the ocean had cast a spell on him. A heavy sigh of grief tore through his chest. Fragmented thoughts were coming to his mind like the dispersed flying seagulls of the western sky; nothing else to care for, no sweet home to return to; just himself and this lonely, parched world. A treacherous love came to his life like the first dew of an autumn morning; glistering in the golden sunshine; but left him broken to smithereens in a one-eyed monster cyclone.

“O Ocean! Bear witness of a death; death of a divine love,” whispered Arif to the gentle breeze of the evening ocean.

“What did I want from you? I didn’t ask for anything but love; pure, unconditional,” his complain was to the moon playing hide and seek behind the clouds.

“Then tell me! Why…why did you have to hurt me so much? Did you not at all understand what I had to say in those SMSs? Ria…..you heartless woman....you played with me all along!” he could still remember how much emotion was hidden behind those black, small characters. He poured his heart in those SMSs- they were not just a few SMSs; they were his creation, his art, his life. He gave birth to them. Every single SMS was now coming back to him like the searing pain of labor.

Arif’s tears were like the foaming waves of the perturbed ocean gushing to the shore. He looked at the little bottle resting nicely on his palm. Then he turned his eyes to the maddening beauty of the mother nature- the ocean, the sky for the last time; he felt the waft of breeze as if it wanted him to stay a bit longer. He closed his eyes- there was no pain….only a thick black void….

Arif’s residence, Dhanmandi, Dhaka.

Arif’s mother sat beside the dead body; silent. She was holding a hand of her dearest son. She kept looking at her son; bewildered.

Speechless tears dropped on Arif’s lifeless eyes.

(It is a short story. any resemblance to real life is unintentional. It is a of fiction.)

A Rainy Night

It’s almost 2 o’clock in the morning.

It was still raining. I looked out the window. I could see lights from two or three windows. I couldn’t see the sky because the tall buildings were hindering my vision. From a very small opening in my window I could only see very few things. There was one street lamp; standing tall and alone and fighting the darkness as the sentinel of the night. The raindrops were only visible under the street lamp.

A sweet scent of rainwater and mud wafted through the window. It was indescribable. Sweet, gentle and cool air.

I could hear the whistle of the night guard from afar. How does it feel to be on duty on a lonely sad rainy night? I wonder. Maybe he walks along the streets holding an umbrella and a stick, or maybe he smokes a puff or two!

I couldn’t hear any dog barking or cat mewing.

I was engulfed by a blanket of sadness, but I didn’t know why. Was it because I was thinking how I am playing a three way tug of war with the real and the fantasy world? Perhaps I didn’t want to live in the harsh reality, didn’t want to let go things or people I love most, didn’t want to let a beautiful TV series end because it gave me a new world to escape to from the pain and hardship of the real world?

But still everything ends. I am not married but still the thought of death parting a married couple apart saddens me to no ends. Everything seems valueless when I think of the moment I will have to leave everything behind.

What is the meaning of life? Are eating, sleeping and reproducing the only thing to do as a living creature? Then why am I a human being in the first place? Why a human is human?

Well, maybe there is an answer to my questions. Maybe someone has already figured them all out. But until I realize them myself there is no point in just reading from the book.

I patiently wait until the time comes when the Almighty Lord will give me guidance.